BrainStorm
by ComputerSteve
Summary: Everyone's favorite megalomaniac takes over the Enterprise.


­"BrainStorm"  
by Steve Bellinger  
­Part One

"Captain's log, stardate 44352.7. The Enterprise has just completed a thorough mapping of the Stavros star system, including a catalog of all of the inhabited class M planets. The crew has done an exemplary job, and we are now enroute to Starbase 12 for some well earned shore leave."

Captain Jean Luc Picard relaxed in the command chair, with Counselor Deanna Troy to his left and Commander Will Riker at his right. At the helm was the ever vigilant Commander Data. At Tactical, the big Klingon, Worf. Picard stood, stretched and yawned slightly. Having just given the order that put the starship on course for Starbase 12, he made it clear that he was on his way to his cabin for some rest, "And I strongly suggest that each of you do the same!"

"May I remind the captain," Data turned in his seat, "I am an android, I do not require rest."

"Then recharge your batteries or whatever you do when you take time off." Picard sighed.

"I suppose I could regenerate my sensor array." Data said, "its efficiency decreases with use and..."

"By all means, Mr. Data," Picard smiled.

"As soon as we are out of the Stavros system, sir," Riker grinned, "Besides, it's nearly time for the next watch anyway."

"Very well, then. Number one, you have the con. Goodnight all."

"Goodnight, Captain," the crewmembers on the bridge said in near unison.

Just as he approached the turbolift, Picard's dreams of a restful night of soothing music and sleep were interrupted by Worf's baritone, "Unidentified ship on long range sensors, sir!"

Picard turned.

"We can handle this, Captain," Riker said, "Go on and get your rest, sir."

Picard sighed again, "As long as I am here, I may as well see what it is."

"Of course, Captain," Riker responded. "Mr. Worf, on screen and magnify." The image on the viewscreen shimmered momentarily. "Is that what I think it is?"

"I do not believe it!" Worf said. "It appears to be a Klingon Bird of Prey! A very _old_ Klingon Bird of Prey. That model was taken out of service decades ago! The only ones that still exist are in museums!"

"All but this one, apparently," Picard muttered. "Does it pose any threat to us, Mr. Worf?"

"No, sir. It's weapons systems are obsolete. They could never penetrate our shields."

"Hail them," Riker ordered.

"They are hailing us!" Worf said.

"On screen," Picard said automatically. The viewscreen went blank. "Mr. Worf?"

"There is a problem on their end. They will be able to see us, but we cannot see them."

"I see," Picard said walking toward the screen, "I am Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise." Silence. "You are certain they can hear us?"

"Yes, Captain," Worf assured, "they can hear and see us."

"This is Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise, please respond."

A high pitched, slightly nasal voice came over the audio system; "Hee hee hee hee! Narf!"

Worf flew into a rage, "Permission to destroy the enemy ship, sir!"

"Why, Mr. Worf?"

"Did you not hear what they called us?"

"Whatever it was, I am sure we can take a few insults," Picard smiled wryly.

"Oh, look! What a shiny head! Zort!"

Picard growled, "Mr. Worf, arm phasers!"

"Captain!" Riker cried.

"Yes, of course, Number One, you're right. I guess we're all a little edgy from lack of rest," Picard said. "Hail them again."

"Hello, Enterprise!" a deep powerful sounding voice spoke. "This is the captain of the--the--what is this ship called again?" They could hear muffled conversation. "Yes, of course, this is the captain of the Koloth. Requesting permission to come aboard."

Picard's eyebrows went up, "I see, and just how many of you are there?"

"Only two. We are a downtrodden, oppressed and persecuted race. We request political asylum."

"Indeed?" Picard said.

"Yes, Captain, and--uh, excuse me a moment," again they heard discussion in the background, "What is it now, Pinky?" the captain of the Koloth said impatiently.

"Egad, Brain! I don't think that's a very good idea!" said the high pitched voice. Picard recognized an accent. Old Australian, he guessed.

"You don't think what is a good idea?"

"Political asylum!"

"Don't you know what political asylum is, Pinky?"

"Uh, where George Bush lives? Poit!"

"Remind me to hurt you later, Pinky."

"I'll make a note of it, Brain!"

The crew on the bridge of the Enterprise looked at each other in confusion. Deanna was chuckling.

"Counselor, please," Picard reprimanded.

"I'm sorry Captain," she stifled a giggle.

"Captain-- Captain Brain is it?" Picard continued.

"Yes, Captain Picard," Brain spoke into the comm again. "Will you honor our request?"

"We shall consider it, of course, but we need more information about you and your people."

"Of course Captain," Brain's voice faded to the background again, "Pinky, what are you doing? Pinky! Don't touch that!"

"Captain!" Worf said, "Their warp core containment field is collapsing! That ship is going to explode!"

"Transporter room!," Picard called out.

"Transporter room here, sir," O'Brien answered.

"Lock on to the life forms on the bridge of the Klingon ship and beam them aboard immediately!"

"Yes, sir,"

"Number One, Mr. Worf, you're with me," Picard said as he entered the turbolift.

In the transporter room, O'Brien was puzzling over the transporter controls. "This can't be!"

Picard, Worf and Riker walked in, "Where are they?" Riker asked.

"These readings," O'Brien said, "they're impossible! I must not have a positive lock on them."

"Their ship is going to break up any minute, bring them over now!" Picard ordered.

"Yes, sir, energizing!" As the transporter beam shimmered above the pads, O'Brien spoke softly, "But the settings can't be right. I mean, according to this, they would have to be as small as--mice!"

At that moment, two tiny, furry white creatures materialized on the transporter pad. One was barely four inches tall, with a large head, beady pink eyes and huge ears. The other was an inch taller, skinny, with big eyes and two wide-spaced buck teeth.

"Captain," Data said over the comm, "The Bird of Prey has been destroyed."

"Understood, Mr. Data!"

"Excuse me," the mouse with the big head and deep voice said, "you, sir, are a Klingon?"

"Yes!" Worf replied.

"Can you please tell me what _qaw'egh_ means?"

Worf's eyes widened, "It means-- 'self-destruct!'"

The big headed mouse turned to the other one, "And you thought it meant 'Nintendo'!"

"No I didn't, Brain! I though it meant -- SEGA! Hee hee hee--Narf!"

"Pinky, your stupidity is exceeded only by your ignorance!"

"Gee, Brain, you say the nicest things!"

"Captain Picard," Brain said as he looked up to the Starship captain, "about our request for asylum..."

Picard frowned, "Well, it seems that your request to come aboard the Enterprise has become moot! As far as your request for asylum, I am afraid that is not up to me. We will transport you to Starbase 12. Your request for asylum can be addressed there."

"Thank you." Brain bowed slightly.

Picard turned to the Klingon, "Mr. Worf, would you escort our--guests-- to their quarters? In fact," Picard stifled a grin, "perhaps you should--carry them to their quarters."

Worf growled softly, "Yes, Captain!" He walked over to the transporter pad and lowered his hand to the floor. The two mice climbed up and Worf stood and proceeded towards the exit.

Picard yawned and sighed. What else could happen tonight? he mused to himself as he headed for his cabin.

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"My, you have lovely hair Mr. Worf! What do you use? Lady Clairol? Narf!"

"I wish you would stop saying that!" Worf roared.

"Saying what?" Brain asked as he cowered in the Klingon's huge hand.

"The--the "N" word! I find it very offensive!!"

"The "N" word?" Pinky rolled his eyes, "oh, do you mean--ah--'tribble?'"

"No, I do not mean 'tribble'--and I dislike _that_ word also!"

"Pinky," Brain explained calmly, "I believe the word he means is 'Narf!'"

"AARGH!" Worf yelled as he tightened his grip on the mice. Their heads ballooned as Worf squeezed unmercifully. He turned and faced a set of doors that hissed and slid open. "Your quarters!" he roared as he threw them into the room. "And if you need anything--do not call me!" He turned and stormed away.

The Brain and Pinky were lying dazed against the wall. "Space can be a very painful place, Pinky."

"Naaarf!" Pinky groaned.

"And, whatever you do, please don't say that again!"

"OK, Brain! Narf!"

Brain sighed, "Have you ever considered donating your brain to science, Pinky?"

"I'll do that! Just as soon as I'm done with it! Troz!"

"I think you already are." Brain surveyed the surroundings. "I've got to get to that computer terminal."

"You mean that one there?" Pinky pointed to a piece of equipment built into the wall.

"No, Pinky, that is the food replicator. I need to access the ship's computer. We'll climb up here."

Brain shimmied up the leg of the smooth metal chair, sliding down an inch for every two inches he gained. After a few exasperating minutes he was at the console. He pressed on a control pad to activate the terminal.

"How does this thing work, Brain?"

"How does what work..." the Brain was stunned to see Pinky standing inside the food replicator. "Ah, you simply tell it what you want to eat and it will make it for you."

"Naaarf! OK, I want cheese!"

"Pinky, no!"

"Please specify," the replicator said in a smooth voice.

"Ah--uhmm--Swiss cheese!"

"Specify quantity."

"Pinky, be careful!" Brain cried.

Pinky's eyes widened. "Lots and lots of Swiss cheese! Zort!"

The replicator hummed and the bright eyed mouse was replaced with a large block of white cheese.

"Pinky!" Brain shouted. "Oh, no! The replicator has changed you into a Swiss cheese! This is terrible!"

"No it isn't." Pinky's muffled voice came from inside the cheese, "it's delicious! Would you like some, Brain? There's plenty!"

The Brain sighed. "No thank you Pinky. You may--indulge yourself." Brain turned his attention to the computer console. "Computer! Show me a layout of the crew's quarters." A complex line drawing appeared on the viewscreen. "Now, where are the quarters of Commander Data?" The image zoomed in and a small section flashed. "Excellent! He is almost directly above us! Let's go, Pinky! Pinky?"

Brain glanced across the room. There was no cheese in the replicator. Just a funny little white mouse with an impossibly big belly. "Pinky, you didn't!"

"I just love Swiss cheese! Poit!"

"Come, Pinky, we have to find Commander Data's quarters."

Pinky jumped off the replicator and landed face first on the floor. His belly flattened and his nose pushed in. Brain slid down the chair and ran over to his friend. Seeing that he was otherwise all right, he helped him up, pulled his tail taught and let it go with a snap. What that, Pinky's nose popped back into position. "Thanks, I needed that. Narf!"

"Now, follow me!" Brain ran for an air vent a few inches above the floor. The two mice squeezed between the louvers and found themselves in the duct work. Pinky blindly followed Brain, left, then right then up the duct work, until they found themselves peeking into Data's room, where the android appeared to be sleeping. "Just as I thought," Brain whispered, "the android does require some sort of regeneration time. If we are quiet Pinky, we can finally achieve our goal!"

"Sounds great, Brain, but shouldn't finish what we came here to do first?"

The Brain closed his eyes and shook his head, "Pinky, if you had half a brain..."

"I'd be your half brother! Poit!"

"Quiet! Let's get in there!" The two mice slipped through the vent and landed almost silently on the floor. They slowly crept towards Data's bed.

"Mrrrowr!"

"Pinky! You must be quiet!"

"But, Brain, I..."

"Mrrrowr!"

"I tried to tell you not to eat all that cheese!"

"But, Brain, that wasn't me!"

Brain stopped in his tracks. "Well who else can it be?" he turned to face Pinky and saw behind him a gigantic cat.

"Pinky! Run! AAAAAAHHH!"

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"BrainStorm"  
­by Steve Bellinger  
­Part Two

­­

"Pinky! A cat! Run! AAAAAAAHH!"

The two mice scurried across the floor with the big tabby in hot pursuit.

"Brain! This way!" Pinky ran towards a dresser. "We can hide under here!" He dove under it, barely squeezing in the space. "Hurry Brain!

"Mrrrowr!"

"AAAHH!" Brain screamed as he dove for the bottom of the dresser--and bounced off. The cat leaped and Brain scrambled out of the way just in time.

"Come on, Brain!"

Brain ran to the dresser and tried to get under it. "My head is too big!"

"We'll talk about your ego problem later--give me your hand!" Pinky reached for Brain and clutched his hand. The cat charged again. Pinky pulled as hard as he could, "Push, Brain!"

With a pop, Brain slipped under the dresser and they managed to crawl far enough away from the opening to keep away for the cat's paw.

Pinky lay on his back, breathing hard. Brain was sideways, his head squeezed between the floor and the bottom of the dresser, his feet stuck out to one side. "I am going to have quite a headache when this is over. Thank you for saving, my life, Pinky!"

"Anytime, Brain! Narf!"

"Now, what was that about my ego?"

"Spot!" The two mice froze when they heard the voice of Commander Data. "Spot, what are you doing?"

Brain frowned, folded his arms and muttered, "He named his striped cat 'Spot?' So much for artificial intelligence!"

"Spot! What is wrong?" The cat vanished as Data picked him up from the floor. "You have been acting strangely lately. I will have Dr. Crusher examine you in the morning. But for now, I will have to put you in your cage. I cannot allow you to run around wildly. You may injure yourself."

Pinky crawled over to see what was going on. "He's putting the cat in a cage," Pinky began to sob.

"Pinky, why are you crying? With the cat in the cage we will be safe!"

"The cage--it reminds me of our cage at Acme Labs back home! I'm so homesick! Poit!"

"Pinky, after we take over the world I'll get you a cage of your very own."

"You will? With a big, big exercise wheel?"

"Yes, Pinky."

"And a big water bottle full of--Ovaltine? Narf?"

"Yes, yes, Pinky, now quiet! He will hear us!"

The cat was wailing as he glared at Pinky peeking from below the dresser.

"You cannot harm yourself in there, Spot. But your vocalizations will keep me from resting. I will decrease the sensitivity of my sensory network, that way, I will not hear you."

Pinky watched as Data climbed back into bed, stared into space blankly for a minute, then lay down on his back. "I think he's asleep, Brain!"

"Androids don't sleep, Pinky. He is recharging. Get me out of here!"

Pinky crawled over to brain, grabbed his feet and began to drag him back out into the open. Brain winced as his ears scraped against the rough carpeting and the hard metal surface of the dresser. Pinky pulled and pulled until Brain was free.

"Are you all right, Brain?"

"Yes, Pinky, but think I'll have that headache now--ooww!" he winced as he held his head in his hands. "Come, Pinky, we have work to do!"

Ignoring Spot's cries, the mice made their way to Data's bed and climbed up. The android lay motionless, eyes closed, on his back. "We have to get to the control panel on his back," Brain whispered. "Pinky, you're smaller than I. Crawl under him and look for a tiny switch in the center of his back. You'll have to crawl inside his nightshirt."

"Egad, Brain! What if he is ticklish?"

"Androids are not ticklish. Besides, he has turned down the sensitivity on his sensory system. He won't feel a thing. Go on!"

Pinky pushed himself under the covers and made his way under the nightshirt.

"At least," Brain said softly, "I _hope_ he doesn't feel a thing."

Suddenly, Data sat up, eyes wide open, with a perplexed look on his face. Then his eyes closed again and his face relaxed.

"I think I did it, Brain!Troz!"

"Excellent, Pinky! Now we have to remove the access panel and--Pinky, what are you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything!"

"He's going to fall over--AAHH!" The android fell over to one side, on top of Brain. "And they say in space no one can hear you scream!"

"I heard you very clearly! Poit"

"Yes," Brain said, pulling himself from under Data's shoulder. "This is actually quite fortuitous, Pinky! It will be easier to get inside!"

The two laboratory mice worked for several minutes getting under the android's nightshirt and literally under his skin. They located an access panel on his back just below his neck. "This is not much unlike my own robotics!" Brain exclaimed as he modified Data's programming to allow manual control. "This is it, Pinky!" Brain pressed a button and Data's positronic circuitry came to life. The big-headed mouse operated the controls with his hands and feet and the android got out of bed and put on his uniform. He maneuvered him to the computer console. Brain spoke to the computer through Data, using Data's voice.

"Computer! Emergency primary system access!"

"Primary system access requires voice print id and passcode."

"This is Lt. Commander Data."

"Confirmed"

"Access passcode DT938810"

"Confirmed. Primary system access."

"Computer. Primary control from this console only. Set direct course for Earth, maximum warp and engage"

"Control transferred and set to this console. Course set for Earth, Warp factor 9. Warp engines at maximum."

"Computer," Brain said in Data's voice, "Restrict system access. Use passcode JEH7359209829278WJDY8366289J1399834Z...LOCK!"

"Access restricted and locked."

"Now what do we do, Brain?" Pinky asked.

"We just relax until the ship takes us home. Once there, with the power of Starfleet's flagship, the USS Enterprise, we can easily take over the world!"

"But won't that Mr. Worf try to stop us? Poit!"

"Data is an android. He is much stronger than anyone on this ship." Brain's eyebrows shot up. "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so, Brain, but just what was the trouble with tribbles?"

"No, Pinky! We are now the most powerful force on this ship. While we wait to get back to Earth, we can exact a little revenge against that Klingon!"

"Egad, Brain! I don't want to hurt him! He has such lovely hair! Narf!"

"When I rule the world, I'll make doubly sure that you get that cage, Pinky!"

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"Just what the hell is going on?" Will Riker shouted. "Where are we headed?"

Young Ensign Crusher responded, "We're headed for Earth, at warp 9, sir!"

"Why did you change course, Mr. Crusher?"

"I didn't! The ship just turned around and changed course on its own!"

"Return to previous course and speed!"

"I can't. The helm is not responding!"

Riker tapped his com badge. "Geordi?"

The chief engineer's voice came over the com system. "Someone has locked us out, Commander! With a security passcode! My hands are tied!"

"Who locked us out?"

"I don't know sir," LaForge said, "but only a very few of us have that level of access!"

"A malfunction?"

"I don't think so, sir!"

"Do whatever you can, Geordi."

"Yes sir!"

"Perhaps Data can help," Wesley said.

"Good thinking," Riker tapped his com badge again, "Mr. Data!" There was no response.

"He was going to do some major regenerating. Maybe he shut himself down completely," Wesley suggested.

"Could be," Riker said. "Worf, go to Mr. Data's quarters and try to wake him." As Worf entered the turbolift, Riker looked around helplessly and sighed. "I hate to do this to him," he tapped his badge once more. "Captain Picard to the bridge!"

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"So what do we do now, Brain?"

Brain sighed, "I told you, we wait until we get to Earth, then we take over the world!"

"So when will we get to Earth?" Pinky asked.

Brain blinked. "That's a good question! Computer! What is the estimated travel time to earth?"

"At current course and speed," the computer said, "one month, twelve days, sixteen hours, four minutes and seven seconds."

Brain blinked again. "I am afraid that I may have miscalculated. I didn't think it would take quite that long! The crew is going to try to regain control, and they just might be able to do it given that much time!" Brain's eyes narrowed. "Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?"

"I think so Brain, but I don't think I want to go where no one's gone before! Narf!"

"No, Pinky, we'll have to assume command of this ship!"

Brain pressed buttons and moved levers and an expressionless Data turned and walked out of the cabin.

"Data!" Worf ran up from behind the android in the corridor. "Commander Riker is looking for you! We have lost control of the ship!"

"I know that, Klingon!" Brain said in Data's voice. "In fact, I am responsible for it!"

"What?"

"I have taken control of the Enterprise and I am now assuming command!" While Worf stood dumbfounded, Brain decided to have a little fun with the Klingon, "Oh, by the way, Mr. Worf--NARF!"

"You take that back!" Worf yelled as he grabbed Data by the arm. The android turned and stuck Worf with a backhand blow that sent him flying several feet into the air. As he lay dazed, Brain maneuvered Data towards the turbolift. Worf got up and charged toward them. Just as the turbolift doors closed in the Klingon's face, Data stuck out his tongue and whispered, "Narf!"

"You do that very well, Brain! Narf!"

"Thank you, Pinky. To the Bridge!" The turbolift started to climb in response to the command.

"Ah, Mr. Data!" Picard said as the android walked out of the turbolift, "just the person we need! Mr. LaForge, explain the situation!"

"Yes, sir," Geordi turned away from the console he was working on to face Data, "Looks like somebody has taken control of the ship's computer and locked us out with an encryption key. I was hoping that we could use one of your sub routines to try to crack the code."

"He already knows the code!" Worf rubbed his head and he stumbled onto the bridge. "He is the one who has locked us out!"

Picard glared angrily at Data. "Does this have anything to do with your brother?"

"I have no brother," Brain answered in Data's voice. "This is no longer Commander Data. I am Brain! I have taken over this android and your ship. We are now on a direct course for Earth, where, with the power of the Enterprise, I will take over the world!"

There was silence on the bridge as the humans tried to absorb this.

"You are powerless against me." Brain continued, "Resistance is futile!"

"Oh, please!," Picard groaned.

"We could stun you with a phaser," Riker muttered.

"If you do, you will never regain control of the ship. I have used one of Data's security subroutines to come up with a code that is virtually impossible to crack! If I don't give the code when we reach the earth, then the Enterprise will smash into it, and...Pinky--Pinky, what are you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything, Brain!" Pinky's muffled voice could be heard from Data's head.

"Captain!" Data blinked, "Captain?" the android's head began to jerk left and right.

"I think Data is trying to regain control!" LaForge said, "Come on, Data! You can do it!"

Data's head snapped to the right, violently, farther and farther until it did a complete revolution. Then he frowned, tilted his head to the left and began pounding the right side of his skull with his palm. He did this several times, harder, harder, until...

Pop! Pop! The two mice fell from his ear.

While The Brain and Pinky lay dazed on the floor, Picard commanded Data to enter the code to regain computer access.

"I am afraid that I cannot do that. Although part of the code was derived from my security subroutine, part came from Brain himself."

"Well!" Picard glared at Brain.

"I--I--couldn't possibly remember such a complex code on my own! If I could just get back inside of Mr. Data for a minute--"

"NEVER!" Picard shouted. "Do you have any idea what you have done?"

"We are on a course for Earth!" Brain stood, folding his arms. "I am certain your engineering crew can break the code in plenty of time."

"Sure," LaForge scowled, "but, even with Data's help, it could take days, or weeks! We don't have that kind of time!"

"Why, we won't reach earth for over a month!." Brain said indignantly.

"Listen, you egotistical little rodent," Picard growled, "your 'direct' course to earth will take us through Borg space in less than an hour! Without computer control we will not be able to defend ourselves, not that it would make much difference! Perhaps I should talk to Dr. Crusher--perhaps there is some _surgical_ procedure that could extract the information from that puffball head of yours!"

"I--I--had no idea--uh--uh--J--J--E--oh what comes next?" Brain stood, shaking and sweating, "I can't remember!"

Pinky was jumping up and down and waving his hand in the air, "Me! Me! Ask me! I know it! Choose me! Please! Please! Zort!"

"Pinky," Brain glared at his friend, "how could you possibly--"

Pinky rolled his eyes, "It's, ah-- JEH7359209829278WJDY8366289J1399834Z--Narf!"

"Passcode accepted," the computer said flatly. "Normal access restored."

They all stared at Pinky. "Umm," he said timidly, "a lucky guess?"

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Picard and Data stood scrutinizing the two white mice, now safely inside a small cage. Brain was scowling bitterly while Pinky was mindlessly running in the exercise wheel.

"I must protest, Captain," Data said. "They are sentient creatures. Imprisoning them in a cage seems cruel and unusual."

"Your protest is noted, Mr. Data," Picard was rubbing his chin, "however, they did try to hijack this ship. This could be considered a reasonable alternative to the brig."

"Agreed."

"I just can't get over it--such strange little creatures! Probably the result of some ill-conceived experiment!"

"They are laboratory mice, Captain!"

"But they are so intelligent!"

"Their genes have been spliced!"

"Indeed," Picard straightened up and adjusted his tunic. "Well, this is a puzzle for the geneticists on the starbase to unravel. We should be there in a few hours. I, for one, am going to try again to get some sleep."

"I will help Geordi with repairs to the computer!"

"Very well," Picard said as the two left the room and the door hissed closed behind them.

The exercise wheel creaked as Pinky ran.

"Will you please stop that, Pinky!" Brain said.

Pinky paused, "Why?"

"Because we have to prepare for tomorrow night!"

"Why, Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night?"

"Same thing we do every night, Pinky! Try to take over the Enterprise!"

_They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!_

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End file.
